srew life!

so last night i had soccer try-outs. i got cut. i am pissed. sad. and many other things.

not to mention i have so much more going on in my life i really didn't need that. i was looking so forward to it too. you can't really understand unless lets say you have been doing this almost all your life and for the past two years of your school year had to do with soccer at some point suddenly when you don't want it to be gone it is ripped from you. not to mention you have to see the girls walking around in the new jerserys and the sweaters and and sweat pants they are getting. while you wish you could say i am doing something after school.

life is a slow way to die. is what i said during math as i sat wishing so much that i didn't have maybe three to four of the soccer girls in that class talking about soccer already.

last night when i ran to see who was cut and who wasn't i looked fractically for my name m, or b what is what i was looking for. i couldn't find myself. i felt the tears filling the bottom of my eyes blurring half my vision, the twingly feeling i get in my nose when i am about to cry came on. i grabbed my things and ran out into the freezing cold. it cut through me like a knife adding onto my pain. i kept walking until i could find a place to sit by my lonesome. i sat my back to my sister whom was also cut. the crys coming out of my eyes with out me willing them too. nothing ran through my mind, it would hurt to think about it. minutes past finally our parents drove up.
i already knew what they were going to say, and i screamed before they could, i scream for them not to talk to me. the tears stopped but then with no warning they slipped from my eyes, the car ride was the slowest one i have ever had. i passed something i have always seen before and yet when i passed by it usually it took two seconds to fly by but now it took two minutes. i stared at the stars and wished that there was music it was too quiet. too quiet. my sister was still crying openly. when we hit our drive way when the car was on brake i jumped out and walked with my dog to my room. i shut the door and buried my face into my pillow. they wanted to talk i couldn't. i wouldn't. only going to get worse from here. everything i did around this time of the year dealt with soccer. broken heart from a thing you kick around. ha funny right.