my oldest untold story

so this isn't a story that i wrote it is something that has actually happened to me and i think it might just explain why i am so upset with my friends and them like totally not noticing i am there

okay so in 4 to 5 grade... i was well not the coolest person, i have always been strange. anyways i had a friend and her name is Rachel, and well i thought she was the coolest person of all time... but she had other friends and they hated me, so this is when i had recess right, so everytime we had recess they would run, literally, away from me... i always got really upset about it and just sat waiting until we could go inside and i didn't have to worry about it anymore... EVERYONE i mean EVERYONE would tell me that Rachel hated me, but i didn't believe them. i didn't want to i guess because like i said i thought she was totally cool. i should have listened to them

for those two years that went on and it totally made me upset like almost everyday... so for awhile i stopped being there friends and went back to my friends that i had forever, that would be anna, ps i love her!, and then about in 8th grade a friend that left in 4th grade came back... so i became best friends with her again and so did Rachel... so again i was foolish and became friends with her

then at the ending of 8th grade, i well was advoided by them all... even my friend from 4th grade, that i found out later that she was just mad at me, we fixed and we are good, and then again i was left friendless and i didn't want to trust anyone... i went back to anna after leaving the only true friends i had...

right now i feel as if it is going to happen again... but this time i know I KNOW that they actually cared about me, so i know that if i lose friends like that again i don't think that i could recover and be able to trust anyone but anna... and family. it is hard enough for me to trust people now i am ALWAYS thinking do they actually like me? or are they doing the same thing that Rachel did to me

anyways that is mine now told story... so yeah i am upset and just want to listen to my music and sit in a corner and stare into space thinking about things... but i can't do that cause i don't have anywhere to listen to music or a corner at the moment so i blogged